the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
