he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
