I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
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