ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
