We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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