Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
