Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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