So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
is that a dick in a sweater?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
