This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
