you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
