I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
