Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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