Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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