Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
