When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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