I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize