Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think I am morally bankrupt
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
