Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
