addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
