went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I need water and some morals
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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