U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
