Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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