And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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