so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
