Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
