Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
