Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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