so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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