I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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