a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
