If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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