So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
