I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
