As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
