I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
