I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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