I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
