; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I smell stomach acid.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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