go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize