I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
As shirtless as possible
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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