I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i would punch a child for taco bell
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
