Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
don't judge my taste in strippers
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
