A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
