Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
