the condom got lost in my hair
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
