Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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