we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
