when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
