If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My vagina is officially offended.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
