Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
