you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize