Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
