"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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