I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
