He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
