I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
