The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
