I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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