Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
