Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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