Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
