I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You did what with his pubic hair?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
