if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
