TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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