at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
